Hey, it’s me. Your eldest gen z brother.

It is with great excitement and deep sorrow that I’ve somehow arrived at the edge of our twenties. There was once upon a time where I’d feel nothing but sheer excitement in anticipation of the moment.

“I can’t wait to be taken seriously by the adults, we’ll be on the same level”

“I’ll be wiser and more capable to work on bigger projects”

“You’re telling me I can keep pursuing my goals and training my body?”

“Most people don’t even peak in their thirties? Things only get better?”

And yet the more social situations I find myself with the adults, the more I realise that many of them fearmonger about adult responsibilities, belittle our passions and downplay consistent efforts. While it does sound all doom and gloom, I have witnessed the wisdom in their words too though my instincts are more inclined to say that they may be envious of our lives, and possibly wonder what could have been if they could wear our shoes.

The other possibility is that our actions are a reflection of what they are capable of, which makes them wonder how they could’ve spent their youth differently. Yet, when I confront them about it, they say they’re just looking out for me or making sure I’m mentally prepared for “the transition”.

You know what they say…

“Wait till you reach your thirties”

This is probably one of the lamest things I’ve heard ever. So much so that I’ve classified it as a red flag. It’s up there in the top 3 phrases that says you’ve given up on yourself.

I’m sure we’ve all heard this phrase at least once. It could be your uncle who never tried, or a parent who calls themself a “realist”, or a coworker with a bitter past after their daily dose of demoralisation.

Whoever they are, I recommend practicing boundaries, or staying away from them. The reason is simple: it’s a loser’s mentality. I recognise it because I once operated with the same mindset, thinking it’s too late to learn something new, form healthy habits or reclaim their lives by gripping the reins.

But I think a good portion of them underestimate our perception of reality too. Somehow, every generation thinks their era is simultaneously the best and the worst. If you bring up Covid, they bring us SARS. If you mention the current economical state, they bring up the Great Depression. If you share your concerns about WW3, they tell you their grandparent’s experience in WW2.

All of which are valid, but imagine living through all of the above within the span of 5 years as a growing young adult who just graduated university. Things are great when they’re great, but I think we live in pretty fucked up times regardless of what anyone says.

So, what do we do?

I think the easiest thing to do would be to nod along and agree with their truth. To be clear, the danger is unknowingly letting someone else’s fear of ageing set the standard for your life. My honest opinion is this: don’t let time dictate your life entirely because it’s an illusion. The years move slow, but the decades come fast.

You don’t have to get married by a certain age.
You shouldn’t limit your capabilities because of comfort.
You can’t have someone telling you what you can or cannot achieve.
Why? Because you either set your standard for life, or it gets set for you.

Sometimes what it takes is a insufferable level of optimistic realism, alongside a stubbornly consistent work ethic to shape your life and worldview.

And that starts with a little self-belief and daily actions.
Make the most of your 20s! Early, middle or late.
It’s all an illusion.

“the year before unc” me, age 29, self portrait