I decided to upload a BTS footage of my artwork on YouTube a few days ago. “Maybe I should stop doing so, the engagement was so low,” said my competitive side. The reality seems to be that the audience is more drawn to the final product than the making of the product… or that my approach is not captivating enough, yet. It’s shockingly similar to when I first started the gym, I should just focus on getting my reps in.

Speaking of reps, I decided to hit the gym at midnight recently. I haven’t done so in awhile and noticed a difference in silence between day and night. In the gym, the morning folks say “It’s gonna be a long day, I need this to start my day” while the night folks say “It’s been a long day, I need this to end my day”. One’s a warrior, basking in the sunlight, preparing for the heat of war. One’s an assassin, shadow boxing with the dark, training to confront their inner demons.

It made me reminisce cause I rarely train like an assassin anymore, it was a refreshing pov. I also found opportunities to get some footage and remembered feeling imposter syndrome when I started doing so a few years ago, but it does feel less awkward now. I think the awkwardness mostly stemmed from societal norms and labels cause I was deemed a nerdy loser for most of my life. I thought the world had a problem with me, but truth is the problem was myself and my acceptance to their labels. Somewhere down the line though, I decided otherwise and I’m glad I did so.

Unlearning preconceived notions of yourself was one of the most spiritually uncomfortable feelings for me. It’s gotten better over the years but I remember when I first decided to shatter society’s image of me. Those were the years when I trained like an assassin, hiding from the world, feeding on my pain and grappling with my ego. I was desperate to reclaim my potential, so I trained 6 days a week, rain or shine. I felt the world had wronged me and somehow my 19 year old self figured that, somehow, shit would work out with bigger muscles. Now I can confidently say that the muscles are a bonus. What I’ve truly gained from working out is patience in growth, discipline in action, consistency over the years and a tolerance to pain which has shaped my being.

Wow, that just came out of nowhere. This is undoubtedly the most raw blog post I’ve written so far haha. Thanks for reading this, whoever you are. You should go to the gym, it’ll change your life. Trust, my back muscles don’t lie.